Different Day

Today has been a different day. It consisted of tardiness and arguing this morning between my sister and I to get to school and the library (just for one day I wish we couldn't argue), and nobody was around. It's a Wednesday, and typically Wednesday is the day that everyone is out and about because it’s the middle of the week. But today, I went to the library and there were only few people there. I looked outside the window, and not many people were walking or driving in the streets. Perhaps it's because it's raining, although that never stopped anyone before. But although my surroundings changed a bit today, so have I surprisingly.

I sat down at my usual spot, took out my text and computer, and began to take notes. I forgot my library card, and this meant no real distractions from the free internet that the city generously provides. So I'm not as distracted, I am more focused, and am actually getting stuff done…for once. I have no worries, no open thoughts, no reminiscing on the past, no anxiety…I am free from it all. It's kind of nice to be honest; this is after all what I've wanted all this time. But for some reason it feels odd. These past few weeks, actually past few months, the past year even, I have felt so emotionally complex. But today was different. I felt so relaxed and "normal" that it seemed almost abnormal…almost like I wasn't human anymore.

Perhaps it's the fact that I drew/painted yesterday, wrote lots, and sang at home a bit that sucked out all my creative thinking for the day or even the next week. I doubt it, but it's still weird. All of these days all I've wanted was to have normal thinking processes again, to finally focus on my own life and what I was doing-and I guess now I have. Only now I feel emotionless, soulless, and confused. How can everything just float away? My fears, my doubts, my misery…can that happen? Did the gentle rain that has finally arrived take it all away? Can I start new again? I don't know quite yet, but we'll see how this goes. I enjoy the feeling of normal, but perhaps being abnormal and overly emotional is more me, more powerful. And although all this extra focus is beneficial for my academics and future, I really wish that my creativity has a bright future…I love to write and feel emotions…and I think I'm too young to lose that already.