The Top of the Mountain

In everyday, all day, I am one of those people that overanalyzes things; it's one of my greatest flaws. It's also something that makes life really hard for me. Like at this very moment, all I can do is think about the past, analysing it in great detail, while I should be studying. But the thing is, I have so much to say, but am too scared to share it. I am one of those people that it takes them forever to realize something, but once they realize it, it's amazing. It's like climbing an unimaginably high mountain, and getting to the top is the greatest achievement.

Lately I feel as if I was supposed to meet people at the top of that mountain, but I struggled along the way. I was scared of the environment, what it would be like at the top. And I realized just over 3 months ago that I had finally reached the top of the mountain, one of them anyone. But this one was like Everest. The Highest of them all. For everyone it is the highest, and most people never reach the top. Well I felt like I had finally reached the top one day, but by the time I got there, no one was there. And after waiting around, scared, and unsure of what I was doing, I realized that I was left at the top, and they had already gone down.

The hardest part is, is that I am still on Everest, still scared and unsure. But I'm alone up there. And whenever I think I'm being joined at the top, I feel like no one was there to begin with. And now I'm just stuck. Stuck at the top where I can see everything. I analyze everything below me on earth, as I am high above the clouds. I see what I have done, and regret being so scared to get to the top. But now I'm scared of going down. 'Cause although I'll be amongst so many people, I'll still be alone.

Right now I feel like my only company is myself. I am alone at the top of this mountain, and I'm trying to face that. There is no life up here, nothing to do. The only conversations I have are with myself. It's beautiful, the view below, looking at those I love and care about so happy to be alive; but although I'm living up here, there is no life for me, and I am not ready to die.

I'll look around below for what is best for me. Perhaps I'll find something to do with my life, something to love. As for top, however, I don't want to leave. Because once you leave Everest, there is no better sight to ever see.